There is time to give up (Ecclesiastes 3:6b)

Giving up is not always bad. There is time to give up (Ecc 3:6b - NIV). Give up here (lə-’ab-bêḏ, אָבַד, abad) can be translated to ‘to perish’, ‘to lose’, ‘to quit searching’, ‘to give up as lost’, ‘to destroy’, ‘to break’, ‘to die’, ‘put to death’, or ‘to spend’ [1]. Giving up on something can be a beginning of a new fresh start:

Very truly I tell you, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. (John 12:24 – NIV)

There are things that we should never give up, e.g. our belief in Jesus Christ as our Savior, our trust that God -our Father- loves and cares for us, our belief in the promises of God, our belief in God’s ability, faith, and many others. However, there are things that we should give up, e.g. sin, flesh desires, wrong motive, arrogance, pride, and many others.

Sometimes, even though the vision/work we do is good in the eyes of God, flesh desires sneak in. I would like to illustrate this situation as a tree branch that has a disease on its beautiful leaves. Depending on the condition, the solution can be using medicine/treatment to treat the diseases or to cut the leaves and let new leaves grow out from them. There are times (maybe not so often) that giving up is needed to let something new grow by the grace of God.

The boundary of which to give up and not is different for every situation and people. Therefore, we always need the Holy Spirit to guide us.  

[1] https://biblehub.com/hebrew/6.htm

Dealing with Emotional Pain

Emotional pain or psychological pain is a very difficult topic to discuss. Even reading about it can easily bring me to negative thoughts. However, I think it is important to have basic knowledge about it to prevent deeper emotional pain.

Emotional pain can happen due to rejection, misunderstanding, persecutions, emotional abuse, toxic relationship, trauma, loss, guilt, failure, low self-esteem, loneliness, the illusion of control, bitterness, sensitivity, or specific kind of personality disorders. I learned from Rick Warren that the deeper the emotional pain, the fewer words we use [1]. There are many characters mentioned in the bible that go through emotional pain.

Handling emotional pain might differ case by case. For some, it is by thinking positively (Phi 4:8), by praying in tongues, by worship, by being in God's presence, by forgiving, by letting things go, by praying with the help of the Spirit (Rm 8:26), by reading the word of God, by the prayer of others, by being in together with others, by having purpose [2], by doing exercise, by doing relaxation activity or by many others. For some, professional help might be needed or the external stressors need to be deal with. In many cases, the hand of God is the only solution. Because of the complicated feeling that comes with emotional pain, we need guidance from the Spirit to be able to make the right step that can eventually free us from the unbearable pain.

Now the Lord is the Spirit, and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom. - 2 Cor 3:17 (NIV)

I pray that the Spirit of God will free you from unbearable emotional pain. Do not give up. God has not given up on you.

[1] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HCUbog65dP4

[2] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Btc31ssmpss

Dealing with Rejection

These days I am reading about social rejection. The more I read, the more I realize broad the theme is. Dealing with rejection is a huge topic to discuss. However, I think learning this is important as everybody had (on some level) experiences of being rejected as well as rejecting others. 

Rejection can take form as a dislike from a social media post, a negative answer from an idea/an application/a proposal, being bullied, being ignored, up to a relation rejection from the close social circle (such as family and friends), and physical persecutions.

The effect of rejection can be physical, financial, or psychological (such as the feeling of unbelonging, the feeling of unwanted, loneliness, low self-esteem, depression, aggression, emotional pain, social anxiety, antisocial behavior). Parenthetically, social rejection increases the ability to discriminate between genuine and fake smiles [1].

Being perfect does not free someone from being rejected. Neither doing God's exact calling does not free someone from being socially rejected. Jesus himself has been rejected by many people during his journey on earth [2] until now. Not all hate feelings have a clear reason (Psalm 38:19, John 15:25).

The reason of God to allow rejection in someone's life might vary from person to person. He might want to teach something. He might be preparing a different way/solution. In some cases, it is difficult to understand the reason behind it.

How to deal with rejection depend on how the rejection affects someone. Sometimes rejection affects the trust given and the only solution is to prove otherwise (if possible). Sometimes the key to deal with rejection is forgiveness. Occasionally, remembering our reward in heaven and try to rejoice is the solution (Matthew 5:12). In some cases, the best is to pray for those persecuting us (Matthew 5:44). Sometimes we just need to remember that God loves us and has paid a great price for our salvation. Sometimes we need to come to God's presence when we feel emotional pain/tiredness. Sometimes the best way to deal with rejection is just to remember that the world hates Jesus first (John 15:18). Professional help might be needed for handling traumatic rejection or rejection oversensitivity. 

Do not give up. Depend on God. Let the Holy Spirit teach you how to deal with your situation. I pray that God will work mightily in your difficult and (maybe unspoken) painful situation.

[1] Bernstein, M.J., "Adaptive responses to social exclusion: Social rejection improves detection of real and fake smiles," Psychological Science, 2008.

[2] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rejection_of_Jesus

Broken Heart: Give it to God. Do Not Give Up.

There were times in my life that something hurt/hit me deeply, up to the level that I feel my heart is broken. It was often mixed with the struggle of forgiving someone. Having a broken heart can paralyze someone.

When that time happened, the best solution is (according to my current knowledge): give your broken heart to God. At those moments, maybe a batch of broken heart pieces is the only thing that you can give to Him. He is the one that can change/renew/heal your heart. Give it to God.

Coconut and Peach Culture/Personalities

From several sources, I learned that a psychologist, Kurt Lewin, grouped the culture as coconut and peach. Coconut is described as hard outside and soft inside. Peach is described as soft outside and hard inside. Because of this different culture, cross-cultural misunderstanding often happened.

For me, it is interesting that a person with a German nationality described his culture as a coconut culture. For someone from a coconut producing country [1], coconut (cocos nucifera) gives a different impression. Coconut is not associated with a soft characteristic. Young coconuts have sweet flesh, which is not very soft (compared with peaches) but can be eaten directly with the help of a spoon. Mature coconuts have harder flesh and in a greater amount of flesh compared with the young one. To make coconut milk from a mature coconut, the flesh needs to be first grated (Because of their hardness, this is not an easy process). Additionally, the inside of a coconut is mostly coconut water. 

Coconut is so hard that can cause death when it falls from its tree [2]. However, a coconut tree is special because all parts of the tree have many uses. Therefore, the Indonesian girl/boy scout use the sprouting coconut seed as their logo.

Every person has his/her personality and surrounded by various cultures. Maybe some can be associated with coconut, peaches, mangoes, grapes, cactus, banana [3], durian, mangosteen, snake fruit, or dragon fruit. We can always learn from each other.

1: List of countries by coconut production

2: Death by coconut
3: Used to described personality in the movie of Crazy Rich Asians

Fighting the Feeling of Unbelonging

Did you ever feel that you do not belong in a certain (or in any) community? Maybe you tried in a very long term to do many things (eat what they eat, learn their language, reach the standard that has been told to you, change your behavior/appearance) up to your maximum energy and ability. Maybe it did happen because of some form of disabilities, underprivileged, rejection, or jealousy.

The issue of not belonging also appeared in some kids movies. In the movie of Cars 3, Cruz said, "I did not belong. The others look nothing like me." She even mentions that her surrounding tried to convince her to dream small or not at all. In the movie of Kungfu Panda, Tigress said to Poo, "You do not belong here." In the movie of Mulan, Shang said to Mulan, "You don't belong here, Mulan. Go home."

The feeling of not belonging can have a great effect in life, such as low confidence, giving up (even though there is great potential), and depression.

Regardless of how other people think and behave to you, if the Spirit of God lives in you, you belong to God (Roman 8:9). Psalm 100:3 (NIV) said:

Know that the Lord is God. It is He who made us, and we are His; we are His people, the sheep of His pasture.

Additionally, we do not only belong to God, but we are also very precious to Him as we are the apple of His eye (Zechariah 2:8).

Do not give up your calling/potential in God. Trust in Him.

Every Seed has Its Own Maturation Time

My family have a water apple tree. It has been years that this tree never give any fruit. The flowers of the tree never grow into fruits. Some people started to think to knock down the tree. Surprisingly, this year our water apple tree gives its first fruits.

Few years ago, our durian tree gives its first fruit. It took years before this durian seed become a durian tree and eventually grow some very delicious fruits.

In our life, sometimes we feel unfruitful. We feel depressed with our failure or our circumstances. In other hand, it looks like other people are more happy, more success, or have an easier life than us.

Be patient, every person have his/her own time. There are many factors that might help our life to be more fruitful. However, keep trusting in the process provided by our God. Do not compare the growth of a durian seed with the other kind seed.

Uniqueness in Facing Problem

The story about losing the ark of covenant in a battle (I Sam 4-5) teaches me that even though some circumstances seem similar, the perfect way to deal with it is not always the same. Therefore we need continually ask God's guidance and never assuming that He is always be with the way that we created by our self.

Every person/couple/problem/difficulty is different. You may learn from others. However, you always need to consult with the creator of your life. He know everything about you. Trust His way, He know the best for you.

Anyone Can Cook

"Not everyone can become a great artist, but a great artist can come from anywhere." (Ratatouille, 2007)

This phrase was given by Anton Ego (a food critic) in the Ratatouille film. The characters in this film teach me something:

1. Anton Ego (the food critic): Never underestimate a person you are facing with.
2. Remi (the Rat): Maybe your talents are facing difficulties coming from your nationality, languages, sex, social status or other circumtaces. Never give up. Keep working on the talents that God gives to you.